What I Miss & What I Love

I've come to realize that beginning a new chapter means embracing grief and loss and change.  There is truly no better word than "bittersweet" to describe the tug of war between missing one home, one job, one life - and jumping into the newness of another.

There are many moments when I think just how grateful I am for this new normal in Pittsburgh.  Returning to my house feels like coming "home," and I now know some people in this city by name!  But, there are also times when I can hardly look through photos from the past five years.

Many of you have asked me this question: Do you miss teaching/BFA/life in Germany?  It's a fair question, but I may have given you a confusing answer.  That's probably because the answer is yes, no, and I'm not sure!  I'm living in the reality (and some of you are, too) of deep loss mixed with invigorating hope.  Some days are more of one than the other, but God's grace is present in both.

So, in case I can't articulate my thoughts when you ask me - or we just don't have enough time! - here's my answer:

I miss my students.  I can picture my very first class of fourth graders six years ago, now freshmen in high school.  I miss hearing their stories and knowing what they care about these days.
But, I love knowing that my students are thriving.  I see their Facebook posts about basketball games and banquet dates, and I know that they are continuing to grow.  They are taking steps further into independence and, I pray, deeper with Jesus.

I miss having students.  On top of the students themselves, I miss my role as a teacher.  I miss how my students made me laugh and made me think, kept me active and kept me humble.
But, I love getting to recruit the next wave of teachers.  Taking a step out of the classroom has given me the opportunity to interact with the teachers, RAs, and administrators of tomorrow.

I miss getting to speak in German.  True, many days I didn't need to speak German because of the English-speaking BFA bubble.  But on any given day, I could walk out my door and find countless opportunities to speak the language.  Needless to say, it's a bit harder to find that now.
But, I love the familiarity of English!  It has been complicated enough getting all of my utilities payments set up, getting plugged into a church, and deciding which groceries to purchase.  I really don't know how I did it all in another language.

I miss being involved in God's work in Kandern.  I miss learning from mentors and friends in that community, getting to pour my heart into service, and seeing everything I did as part of my calling to BFA.  This loss is the biggest by far, but I see God's grace in providing continued connection with these people and ministries from a distance.
But, I love knowing that God is at work here, too.  I am grateful for my small group, which has helped me to begin to feel known in Pittsburgh.  Although I feel like I'm back at square one with being involved, I can volunteer with OCC and bake cookies for college students during finals and ask God to keep showing me opportunities to be His hands and feet.

During this season, I miss walking around Christmas markets.  With crepes and waffles, wooden huts and castle views.  I miss huddling around burning logs at the local festival and drinking warm punch out of beautiful mugs.  Somehow, Christmas has brought out the deepest pangs of missing life in Germany.
But, I love that Pittsburgh has its own traditions.  New memories will be made here.  I inhale deep breaths of hope as I consider what is to come in this new season.  I often said it when I first moved to Germany, and it rings true now, too: It's not better or worse, just different.

It doesn't take an international move to experience loss.  What do you miss, and what are you loving in this season?  I believe that sharing not only creates genuine conversation, but also normalizes these emotions.  Whether seemingly simple or weighty, I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

It's Beginning to Look Like Christmas!

I put the final touch on a grad school assignment as my roommate wraps up her studying for the night.  There is always more work to be done, but we take a break and head downstairs.  It's time to decorate for Christmas!

Our living room, ready for the season!

Opening my box of ornaments is like unearthing a time capsule.  I am immediately ushered back to the travels and adventures of the past five years as I carefully unwrap the delicate items in this small package.  My roommates graciously allow me to adorn our tree with the memories of the past five years.  The new Christmas tree laden with memories of the past reminds me of the mixed emotions surrounding this season of transition.

A flood of memories accompanies each of these ornaments!

This year, I celebrate Christmas in new ways.  The familiarity of the Colmar market, BFA Middle School Christmas party, and small group caroling have given way to new holiday traditions here in Pittsburgh!

Light-Up Night in Pittsburgh

The Joy of Cookies tour with a college friend and her mom

To all of you who join me in forming new traditions this year...

... celebrating in a new place or with new people

... remembering a loved one who is no longer at your table

... facing challenging changes in your circumstances 

We worship the same Jesus who never changes.  He is Emmanuel, God with us, in our uncertainty (Matthew 1:23).

And to those of you who feel like this is just another Christmas...

May Jesus show you His presence and joy in a whole new way in this season!

I'm linking up with Velvet Ashes at The Grove, where the topic of the week is "tradition."

Hosting Again

Over the past few months of transitioning into new routines, responsibilities, and rhythms, I had a feeling that one thing would be key to feeling more settled in Pittsburgh: hosting people in my home.

At first, we didn't really have much furniture in the house.
Then, my recruiting schedule interfered with making solid plans.
And then, who would I invite?

This Thanksgiving, I have a newfound gratitude for Jesus' provision of community.  In this season of dizzying newness, meaningful connection breathes new life into my soul.

I'm thankful for a house that feels more like a home.
For balance between travel and time in town.
And for friends.

It was so fun to have friends from college, Germany, and my new church come together for an Autumn Open House this past weekend!  I'm grateful for community in each of these seasons - and for friendships that have lasted across many miles.

I'm also thankful for the gift of being able to host again.  The laughter and conversation of guests feed my soul.  And I believe that this is God's sign to me, a reminder of His promise that He will never leave nor forsake me.  He is here, too, in this dawn of a new season and there is beauty in the opening of my home.

Our cozy living room

 Fun fall treats

My personal favorite - the cookies named after our neighborhood, Squirrel Hill!

Roommates!

New City, Same Project!

During my five years at BFA, I loved being a part of the Operation Christmas Child project. Shoebox collection and packing party preparations began early in the school year and lasted through the middle of November.  Seeing members of the Kandern community participate in the annual Packing Party was truly a highlight each year.

So, when I heard on the radio about an opportunity to volunteer with OCC in Pittsburgh, I jumped at the opportunity!  This "packing party" was much different than the ones at BFA.  Instead of packing all of the boxes at one event, we helped to prepare items for an upcoming packing event with the host company's corporate sponsors.  We each got to pack one box and then jumped into a job with other volunteers.  My team had some great conversations while bagging lollipops!  While it was definitely not the same as packing parties of the past, I am grateful to have been able to stay connected with OCC again this year!

The warehouse - doubling as an Operation Christmas Child packing center this month!

Dum dums for days...

I had a great time working with this team of volunteers!

With the help of their corporate sponsors and community volunteers, this company hopes to surpass the 10,888 boxes they packed last year!!!

My shoebox headed to a little girl somewhere!

An Added Note: This year, the BFA community has decided to do something different.  Given the influx of many refugees into the area, all donations at BFA this year will be assembled for these local families who are starting from scratch in Germany.  Please pray for that BFA staff, students, and families would be eager to participate in the project - and that these gifts would tangibly convey the love of Christ to the recipients.

Returning to Campus

I've been back to my alma mater at least once a year since I graduated, but this year was my first time returning for Homecoming!  It was a full day of spending time with friends, reconnecting with members of our class, and reminiscing about our time on campus.

One of my former roommates and me in front of our freshman room!

In honor of our fellow classmate and friend, Erica, we displayed some of her artwork and her story.

So grateful for our years of friendship!

Only a few days later, I headed back up to campus - this time as a recruiter!  It was a privilege to represent TeachBeyond at Grove City's annual Career Fair.  In addition to interacting with interested students at the Fair, I shared in two education classes and met personally with several potential applicants.  It is humbling and exciting to be a part of the process of God's work in the lives of others, whether they pursue opportunities with TeachBeyond or not.  (An added bonus was getting to stay at the home of Megan, a dear friend from BFA who now lives in Grove City with her husband!)

The TeachBeyond booth at GCC's Career Fair

I was one of over 135 alumni recruiters at the event!

Please pray for each of the students at Grove City College as they explore future opportunities, and pray for me to have wisdom to speak words of truth in the process as they continue to consider where and how God may be calling them to serve.

Finding New Rhythms

It's been a month since my last post, one of the longest silences on this blog since I began posting in March 2010.  September has been a whirlwind of moving and settling in and traveling!  I'm attempting to figure out this new normal of...

... Traveling hundreds of miles to visit campuses, yet most days, working from home.

... Driving with confidence to a few select locations (including church and Target), but relying on my GPS to get pretty much anywhere else.

... Staying connected with friends around the world through Skype and email, but also making new connections here in Pittsburgh.

... Feeling at home so close to my alma mater, yet brand new to life in the city.

... Trying to find a balance: TeachBeyond work and grad class assignments and being with people and rest.

After over twenty years of going to school, I have entered into a totally new life of creating my own schedule!  My days are planned around with Skype meetings, assignment deadlines, and to-do lists.  Initially I wondered when I'd fall into a routine, and I've now discovered that there isn't much of one!  While there are definitely challenges in figuring out how to prioritize tasks, I'm grateful for the flexibility of my schedule which allows for time to invest in people - whether potential TeachBeyond candidates or my new roommates or friends still at BFA.

A few weeks ago, I took a road trip to Chicago to visit my brother!

While in Illinois, I also met up with two of the families from the TeachBeyond youth orientation groups I led in 2013 and 2014.

Welcome to my neighborhood!

Pittsburgh is beginning to feel more like home.

Thank you for your prayers as I continue to transition into my new role and new home.  May the Lord be glorified as I establish new routines and rhythms!

#tbt Week 10: Small Group Update

This is the last week of my this summer #tbt (Throwback Thursday) series, highlighting various "then and now" comparisons!  I'm grateful for the opportunity to look back and reflect, and I hope you've enjoyed it, too!

#tbt Week 10: Small Group Update

If you've been following my journey over the past five years, you have heard all about my small group... our sleepovers, panel events, and photo shoots.  These girls graduated from BFA last June and are now living on three different continents!  Here are some updates from the girls themselves.  Thanks for continuing to pray!

Hannah

Current Location:  Gordon College, Massachusetts

An Update:

I am a double major in education and psychology.  Transitioning into college has been smoother than expected, but there are still many challenges of living away from home, since I only get to go home once a year.  I am looking forward to serving as an RA, investing in people, and experiencing God through that!

Please Pray:

Pray that I will learn the fear of the Lord more this year!

Brianne

Current Location:  John Brown University, Arkansas

An Update:

My freshman year of college went really well!  I am on track for being done in four years.  Also, I got engaged in May!  I have been working on wedding plans since.  I spent the summer with my family and my fiancé's family for a couple of weeks.  We are back to school now and plugging along!  

Please Pray:

I am in training for my next half marathon in October.  Prayers for sore muscles and endurance would be appreciated!

Nara

Current Location:  South Korea

An Update:

I was thankful to find a Christian youth community here that I love.  Also, my family reunited to live together for the first time in 7 years!  It was hard accepting the fact that I didn't get into any of the colleges I applied to.  However, I'm continually seeing God through everything and God blessing me with something that I never expected.  

Please Pray:

I am currently preparing for the chaotic college application process again.  It all ends in November and results come out in December.  I only have God to find peace and allow Him to work through me!

Grace

Current Location:  Art School in London, UK

An Update:

I have had a great start to college life and have made some good friends.  I am growing deeper in my faith, but I also struggle whilst learning to stand alone and rely solely on God rather than on people.

Please Pray:

Pray that I would continue to deepen relationships and that I would not get too comfortable with where and who I am, but challenge myself daily in all aspects.

Katie

Current Location:  Crown College, Minnesota

An Update:

I'm a nursing major at Crown.  I enjoyed summer with my family in Germany, including serving at an English Camp for German teens.  This year, I am an RA and will be playing on the soccer team.  I'm looking forward to a great year! 

Please Pray:

Pray that I would be able to balance all of my activities and responsibilities this year - and glorify God in the process.

Jin

Current Location:  New York University, New York

An Update:

This past year was an amazing one.  Starting a new chapter of my life in New York has been beyond wonderful.  I received a scholarship to help pay for NYU, and I had an amazing suite-mate who became my roommate for this school year!  Also, I was accepted for my first half of my green card process, which means I am one step closer to becoming a permanent resident of the United States!  This coming year, I am looking forward to seeing how God will use me in this city.  I know that I am here in NYC with a purpose, and I am very excited to see how God will use me to glorify Him and make Him known.

Please Pray:

This year, I am more nervous than my freshman year because I feel pressured to do better and to become certain of what I want to do with my life.  As part of the Liberal Studies program, I have been able to complete core classes this past year and explore different options for the future.  This year, I have to decide which NYU school to transfer into by November,  and I need to declare a major by April.  Please pray that God will lead me and open doors for me in this!

#tbt Week 9: First Days of School

As I embrace this season of transition, I am taking time to reflect on many memories with special people in meaningful places.  It is neat to visibly see changes over time, knowing that God has been transforming us through the experiences of the past five years.

Each Thursday this summer will be devoted to a #tbt (Throwback Thursday) post, highlighting various "then and now" comparisons.  Enjoy!

#tbt Week 9: First Days of School

For twenty-two years, I've had a "first day of school."

Thirteen years of public school.

Four years of college.

Five years at BFA.

This year, my twenty-third "first day of school," passed without 

a bus stop photograph,

dorm move-in fanfare,

or inspirational opening ceremony.

My first day of grad school (online) was swept along in the whirlwind of this season of transition.  Course assignments joined the to-do list of tasks: order a cable modem, plan my September recruiting trip, finalize plans for this Sunday's event, read a chapter of the textbook.

As I began my class this week, I reflected on the feelings of "first days."  Even though I have always enjoyed school, butterflies inevitably fill my stomach at the anticipation of something new.  The unknown seems to stir up an overwhelming mixture of excitement, apprehension, and determination.

Are you stepping into something new this week?  Are there unknowns ahead for you in the next month?  Jesus knows, and He is present in it!  

He asks us to be "strong and courageous"... but not without promising that He is with us "wherever [we] go" (Joshua 1:9).

He says not to fear... because He is with us, strengthening, helping, and upholding us (Isaiah 41:10).

He teaches us not to be anxious... accompanied by His evidence of provision (Matthew 6:25-34).

Whatever these "first days" bring, we can embrace the unknown with a confidence in Christ's guiding presence.  There isn't a better place to be than utter dependence on Him.

1993-1999 (Kindergarten-6th Grade)

First days of college, RA, student teaching, and teaching at BFA

What memories do you have of your first days of school?

What emotions do new beginnings stir in you?

Become a Mobilization Advocate!

Networking is a big part of my new role with TeachBeyond.  I'd like to invite you to partner with me by becoming a Mobilization Advocate!  Here are some ideas:

• Refer Others to TeachBeyond.  When you hear of someone interested in serving overseas, consider telling them about TeachBeyond and connecting them with me.  While we are primarily looking for teachers, we also need residence life staff, chaplains, maintenance personnel, administrative assistants, accountants, school nurses, camp volunteers... the list goes on!

• Share Your Church.  TeachBeyond seeks to partner with churches in the sending process.  You can introduce me to the missions director or board at your church, whether in person or via email.

• Make Connections in Education.  Are you involved in education?  You could be the bridge to valuable connections with schools, colleges, and campus ministries.  In addition to recruiting at Career Fairs and Missions Festivals, I'd like to share with education classes, dorm Bible studies, and informal gatherings of students or teachers. We can brainstorm about this together!

• Another Idea?  I'm open to your ideas that would help to share TeachBeyond's vision with others!

Click here to indicate your interest, and I'll be in touch with you soon!

Another way to partner with me is to make a financial contribution or become a monthly donor!  You can visit this site to make a donation.

#tbt Week 8: A Weekend Away

As I embrace this season of transition, I am taking time to reflect on many memories with special people in meaningful places.  It is neat to visibly see changes over time, knowing that God has been transforming us through the experiences of the past five years.

Each Thursday this summer will be devoted to a #tbt (Throwback Thursday) post, highlighting various "then and now" comparisons.  Enjoy!

#tbt Week 8: A Weekend Away

Last weekend was an entire "throwback" weekend!  The parents of one of my close college friends invited a group of us to stay in their pre-Civil War farmhouse in rural Virginia for a few days, and we welcomed this opportunity for refreshment and reconnection.

What a gift it was to be together again!  It was fun to not only recall memories from our college days, but also create new memories together.

Just before graduation, June 2010

Making new memories, August 2015

The weekend was tinted with a bittersweetness, as our dear friend Erica, who passed away in a car accident on Good Friday, had been so very excited for this reunion.  The Lord was gracious as we had the opportunity to remember Erica's devotion to Christ and passionate service to Him.  Although we miss Erica, we are inspired to live intentionally, love deeply, and give generously.

To these friends - and the many others reading this blog and following my journey - I don't take your friendship for granted!  I see Jesus refining you and using you as lights in a dark world (Phil. 2:15-16).  I see your daily dependence on Him for health, financial provision, joy, and energy.  I see your desire to glorify God in decision-making.  You, friends, encourage me to run this race with perseverance (Hebrews 12:1-2).

It's nothing new, but I feel it more now than ever before:  I'm grateful to Jesus for the gift of connection across time zones and miles.  

How do you balance remembering the past and making new memories?

How have your friendships shaped who you are today?